What is relationship?

My previous post, Romance is the enemy of relationship, focuses on what a romantic relationship is not. There is something left to be said about what romantic relationships are. These are Christy-Joy’s (i.e. my girlfriend’s) thoughts on this subject from a couple of years ago.

She wants me to add that her thoughts here are about more than just romantic love. These are about life and love in general. That when you give up the notion of only finding love when you find “The One”, you find that love, real love, is within reach all around you. Then you are living, not looking (for “The One”), and in the living you will not settle for romance, but in the right time will find someone who understands and lives REAL love too.


Love is not an amount

Love is not an amount
It cannot be measured
It cannot be weighed
It cannot be manufactured
It has no proportion
It has no size or volume
It cannot be compared
It cannot be controlled
It cannot be contained
It cannot contain

Love can hold and be held
Love gives and receives
Love has specifics and details
Love can laugh and cry
Love has time and no time
Love is always open
Love is bold and courageous
Love is true and pure
Love is simple and clear
Love is being who you are
And recognising who others are

The quest for love, true love, is taking me on a journey
Through the deserts of my dreams to
The everyday field of my destiny
In this field I find that love is all around me
I find patience to live, one day at a time
I find kindness for myself and others
I find forgiveness for imperfection
I find calmness when I choose peace
When I choose not to look beyond my today destiny
I find humility to admit pride
I find courage to push past unbelief
I find faith to believe
I find perfect imperfection that displaces fear
I find that my destiny today is full of this evidence of love, true love

I am sad for my dreams, they were deceived into believing that love was an external, deserved, recognised state, that is a result of dedication, devotion, sacrifice and long suffering. They worked hard and long, were obedient and submissive, but are now tired and old.

How free am I now, to live daily in my destiny of true love? Where just being, not doing, without seeking, results in the presence of an immeasurable, uncontainable, uncontrollable force of God, holding me so totally that I am believing it!

Finding true love is a miracle for me. It is not what I expected, it is so much more! I have been disappointed and hurt, but I see now that this was only by my deception. As I am being set free through revelation, through the light shining into my darkness, I am healed.

In this healing I find courage and hope, that I can follow my heart, and with this confidence know that I will live in my daily destiny of truth and this will be my joy. My destiny is not my own, but to share with those who walk, dance and grow with me through the field of today.
This love never fails.

 – 9 August 2012


Love is not a feeling

Love is not a feeling
Warm and fuzzy is a feeling
Cold and lonely is a feeling
Love is a state of being

Love is a commitment
To be patient
To be kind
To be forgiving
To persevere
To be humble
To be polite and sincere
To be truthful
To trust
And be trustworthy
To protect
To hope
To have faith

If this state of being
Results in the doing
Of these commitments
Then this is love
True love

What then is romance?
Romance is an expression
With a motivation
And a message

Love has only one agenda
Romance has two
Love is all about another
Romance is about me and you

Love and romance can come together
They make a delightful pair
But romance without love is dangerous
And love without romance is hard

Having neither is also a choice
That can be made out of fear
A choice made out of fear and weariness
Is not a good choice to bare

To continue loving when it gets hard
Is a better option for the heart
Fear and weariness grow into insecurity and hurt
Hard love grows into wisdom and compassion
This is all a choice that is made by following your heart

If fear and insecurity are growing in the hearts soil
The love is needed for self first, before another
The love needed for self can only come from the One who IS Love,
Who loved first and fully with no conditions for perfection.

When this Love is found, He plucks out the weeds of fear and doubt
Insecurity is cast out.
This Love, He brings peace and security
And plants patience
Kindness and humility
Perseverance, sincerity,
Trust and hope
That this Love, this True Love
Never fails.

 – 20 August 2012

When you believe and receive Love like this,
Knowing you are loved by Perfect LOVE
You can love without expectations
Just because
You were loved first
And then you can love another
with patience and kindness,
without comparison and pride,
politely and humbly,
with gentleness and selflessness
being true and honest
encouraging and hopeful
being truthful and protective
forgiving and persevering
having faith and being faithful
staying secure in the grace to be perfectly imperfect!
this is love
that never fails.

Thus when two people
Only have one agenda each,
To love the other
Is this not romance at its most real?
Romance being
“An expression, with a motivation and a message”
Not pink Barberton daisy’s or red roses or warm, fuzzy feelings
But just simply
How the Creator designed life, in Love, to be.

 – 8 September 2012


Love is a temporary madness;
It erupts like volcanoes and then subsides.
And when it subsides you have to make a decision.
You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined together
That it is inconceivable that you should ever part.
Because that it what love is.

Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement,
It is not the promulgation of eternal passion.
That is just being in love, which any fool can do.
Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away,
And this is both an art and a fortunate accident
Those that truly love have roots
That grow towards each other underground,
And when all the pretty blossoms have fallen from their branches,
They find that they are one tree and not two.

– Louis de Bernières (Captain Corelli’s Mandolin)

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